Life is the only unplanned event that we always want to be at! We don’t care how bad it gets as long as we get to live it. I am reminded specifically how fragile life is this time of year, but in the same thought I am also directed at how beautiful and wonderful Christ love is. As a human I know and understand love to a degree but not to a degree that God has for me. “The way that He Loves us”….
I associate Love with Goodness… which it is good but love is also hard and it hurts … especially realizing that everything planned in my life was placed before me by a God that Loves me… the good … the bad… the trials … the ups… and the downs. This situation called life is only a temporary thing that we have been given the privilege to encounter. To understand that every moment of every breath of every day that I am given is all a part of a plan of how I can bring God the most glory!
It’s funny how we look at time. Seconds lead to minutes which leads to hours which lead to days which lead to weeks and then to months and then to year upon year. Then one day you take a breath and you realize that it has been 10 years. Then 20 years …and you look over and smile because she has been there for it all supporting you all the way. Or you are walking out of your office for the last time. Or hearing your baby girls name called out as she receives her college degree… and the thought of astonishment falls with the verbalization of “I can’t believe”.
I shared that thought today with my sister… December 14, 2009… “wow I can’t believe it has been 10 years”. Ten years since I walked into that hospital room and didn’t have to be told what had happened. Ten years since I realized that God had just ended a chapter in my life, and began writing a new one. Ten years since my earthly father Thomas Edward McFarlin went home to be with the Lord. I am amazed at the wonderful provision of God. I also wonder what my life would have been like with a healthy father. I’ve had to understand that in many situations throughout my life that God had planned this chapter of my life to be this way.
I saw cancer eat away a man that wasn’t the best father… but he was my father! He was the dad that God gave me and blessed me with for 17 years of my life. He taught me a lot of things, and I truly believe that he drew closer to the Lord towards the end of his life. I could tell you some real bad things about my father but the grace of my God covers that just as it covers me.
So I am left with a commandment to honor my mother and father. Its funny how there is no clause in that commandment. I am to honor my mother and father … no matter if living or dead. It’s hard to see how Gods plan for you is to experience that much pain, but it only shows how much … how needy … I am .. for a savior that does know my pain. I feel that with my bloodline being that of which it is … I want to bring honor to my father not because of anything that he did but only because the God who loves me beyond what I know has commanded me.
I would love to have seen my dad experience being a grandfather, and to watch his kids grow old. The hard thing though was that God knew I would bring greater Glory to him in this situation rather than what I wanted selfishly. My father wouldn’t give anything to have this life back. I hope my dad would be proud. Because there is no greater feeling of accomplishment than for your dad to look and you and tell you how proud he is. That is why I still look at those trophies, those plaques, those medals, and those number plates. Because I know those were moments that my dad hugged me and told me how proud he was. I think that as the sickness grew on him there was a growing realization of pride of his children.
The one thing I remember my father always saying to people in his last days …. “I’ve asked the good Lord to let me see what my kids will become”… I would like to have a cup of coffee with my dad now … and just ask three questions … have I honored you? Secondly… have I made you proud? Have I become what the Lord wants me to be?
This is the first year I’ve not went to the sixth floor of the tower at Spartanburg regional and stared at that room and going to the chair I sat in looking out over Spartanburg not understanding why ten years ago… but knowing that God wasn’t caught off guard by this situation … God did it… only because the other three members of the McFarlin family would bring Him more glory in this situation… God did it and God has provided … in many ways… but it still hurts to remember this night at 9:30…. That my life and the lives of my sister and my mother changed forever! But through it all I gained strength from this scripture…
Psalm 121
A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.
1 I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? 2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!
3 He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. 4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.
5 The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. 6 The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night.
7 The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. 8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.
Life is the only thing that we think we have control of, and yet it is total permissible participation of the Holy God who gives it!!! To Bring Him Glory!!
